Stuck expanding and shrinking

Growing but knowing you’re not

Feeling the endless clot

In our lungs can’t breathe 

And you are still shaking


Shake and shiver

Always there but not quite

I can hear you healing in the night

After I’ve fallen and scraped you right off

You never stop 

You never stop


I want to break free of your cage

You remember it all when I don’t 

And I can’t look at you - I won’t

You know my sins long forgotten

From earth to earth you remain


You crack and you peel

While I try pull you off

You hang on tight enough is enough

I’ll cut you I’ll burn you let me go

Even though I know

Without you I wouldn’t exist


I want to be free of your cage

You suffocate and hold me down

There’s a never a minute you’re not around

You’re worse than the shadow we can never escape

And I hate you I love you

Without you I wouldn’t exist


You freckle and scar

You feel my tears

You cover my ears

You are me and I am you

What is there that we haven’t gone through

Together

Without you


I wouldn’t exist

Without you I wouldn’t feel pain

I wouldn’t feel love

Holding my flesh and blood

In place

I want to escape


I hate you

I love you


Without you as earth I’d remain

And maybe it would be better

Maybe I wouldn’t fetter

My days worrying about you 

Fearing you
Wishing you were different and didn’t exist


Who would I be without you?

If all that remained was bones

All on my own

If I shucked you off and took hold

Of the mess created


I blame you for my scars

I blame you for all that they can’t see

And all that they can

All that I am

I blame you its your fault 

I wish you didn’t exist


But without you who would I be?

Would I cease to breathe?

You give me life and peace

And you hold me in and hold me up

I hate you I love you


Without you        

                                           Would I exist?